Hmm

Conflicted, suddenly

doubt springs forth

like Old Faithful.

Deciding to NOT

participate, ignore

conflicting answers.

Weaning myself off

the dopamine.

Saying good-bye

by saying nothing.

full spectrum

In a single day

feelings range

from invisible to blinding,

infinity below to infinity above,

a song, a movie, a voice,

a memory.

3-D Emotions.

3

3's a magic number. 3--Cabins of lumber.

In folklore and fairy tales. Always 3; never fails.

Three bears. Three chairs.

Three voices. Three choices.

3 day weekend, trails twist & bend.

3 kinds of heaven--367.

What's my name? 3 guesses. 3 kisses, 3 caresses.

3 wishes will be granted. Thrice repeat--enchanted.

3 new games. 3 new names.

3 packs of smokes. 3 funny jokes.

3 Time Champ. 3 day camp

3 new pair. 3 Story hair.

Three Billy Goats. Three bowls of oats.

Three Little Pigs. 3 New digs.

Third Eye Blind. 3-of-a-kind.

Triple scoop cone. 3 Stars shone.

3 o'clock meeting. 3rd row seating

3 Act Play. 3 times a day.

3 days remain. 3rd Ward-insane.

Three Blind Mice. 3 wishes or advice?

Fires

sun

stars

skies

showers

l

grill
bowl

lighter

hours.

hearts

embers

above

below

shooting

glowing

head-to-toe.

buzzing

bugs

hugging

trees

toasting

bagels

melting

cheese.

regal

swans

zombie

cat

mutant

fly

dinner

gnat.

lakeside

road

familiar

face

staggering

odds

purrfect

place.

thresholds

entered

bridges

crossed

wagers

placed

nothing

lost.

mental

pictures

winter

heat

darkness

kisses

whispers

sweet.

Just for today

All the stars aligned

each dream and plan fulfilled

Fireside, we sat and laughed

we shared, we smoked, we chilled.

I think that Mama Earth

reflected back our love

by giving us our purrfect day

and starry skies above.

Fears about tomorrow

Doubts of days gone by

Bathed in sunlight of today,

 behind a starlit sky

All the stars aligned

each dream and plan fulfilled

Fireside, we sat and laughed

we shared, we smoked, we chilled.

Amidst the trees

our oldest witnesses

we swapped stories between

many maryjane kisses.

The setting, the view

the purrfect landscape

our own little playground

a purrfect escape

cared

I never cared

that no one cared

till someone cared.

Can't be repaired.

Now I'm scared.

But glad we dared.

So she stared

as you dared.

Then we paired

and we bared

our souls

our clothes

our dreams.

Then I dared

to say i cared.

Nothing compared.

Moments

Everybody has them

sometimes they come and go.

Today was just another day

I really missed you so.

"Even Now" was playing

as I drove by your resting place;

I could hear you saying, "bear-r-r;"

I could almost see your face.

I'm older now, by 14 years,

than you will ever be.

When you look down, I hope you're proud

of what you see in me.

Your daughter's 29;

Now she's a Mama too.

Every time I see her,

She's more and more like you.

Your son, oh, you should see him;

he's grown so very much.

All because when he was young

He had his mother's playful touch

I don't know if you know,

your killers were on tv,

Crying, saying, "sorry;"

They just want to be free.

Of course you know, a piece of mom

broke the day you died;

to lose a child, in any way,

changes you inside.

It's been so long since you've been gone;

I rarely shed a tear.

Today was just one of those days,

I really wish you were here

August

Lazy days

Summer haze.

Afternoon fun

Dwindling sun.

Thunderstorms, showers

Endless happy hours.

Tomatoes and beans

Sweatshirts and jeans.

Back to school

Close the pool.

Summer ends

Goodbye friends.

It's in

black and white.

I had to look.

I had to read it.

I had to write it.

I had to sort it.

It took me all night.

There it is

in black and white.

It hardly hurt.

I knew it.

I had to see it

for myself.

I saw it.

Can't refute it.

Crystal clear

black and white.

No more gray.

Just the way

I thought it.

Can't sweet talk it away.

Can't erase.

Can't deny.

Black and white

does not lie.

I still have whys

about the lies.

They'll go away

no more gray.

Hip-hip hooray.

Sometimes...

start is the same as finish

steps back move you forward

students teach teachers

helpers get help

wrong is right

away feels like h-o-m-e

distance closes gaps

it is what it can't be

one thing is everything

cats growl

love hates

strength is a weakness

winter can be hot

stories become reality

reality is fiction

Monday is Funday

waiting is better than waiting

there is entirely here

dreams come upon waking

six days are an eternity

time stands still

BUT

less is never more

silence never calms

embers never cool

games are never fun

forgotten is never remembered

asleep is never awake

partial is never complete

absent is never present

broken is never fixed

summer is never icy

sweet is never sour

truth never lies

deep is never shallow

now is never tomorrow

yesterday is never today

hi is never bye

forever is never always

memories are never forgotten

links are never broken

wrong is never right

time never stops

Words, words, words

The power of a word

is not in its length

or its definition

or even its meaning

The power of a word

is sometimes

the mere fact

of its origination.

Lessons

Today I taught a child a few things. Things that will never help her pass a test, pass a Regents exam or even graduate high school. But, these things will, I think, give her a richer life nonetheless.

Tonight, we went to a play at the lake. Afterwards, we walked down the breakfront I had explored that morning. We found a small path that snaked down into the shallow water. She saw the seaweed and said, with a squinched up nose, "What's that?" I told her it was seaweed, a plant that grows in the water.

I boldly walked right in, picked some seaweed up and said, "Do you believe people are afraid of seaweed? It's just a plant that grows in the water." She walked in the water slowly, avoiding the seaweed as best she could. I started looking for seashells and cool rocks, and she followed suit. I tied up my sundress to keep it from getting wet and began following her "oooh's" and "Look at this," and "Come under here's."

By the end of our exploration, she had collected some rocks and seashells, and my dress was more than a little damp. On the way out of the water, she grabbed a bunch of seaweed, draped it over her arms and said, "It's just a plant that grows in water." I taught her how to love the water, not be afraid of green stuff, and to always be on the lookout for simple treasures. She taught me that not only is it okay for a grown-up to get their clothes wet, it's just as fun as when you're a kid.

This Morning

Prayers answered in the strangest of ways. Waking extra early this morning, ready for work and still having an hour to kill, I decide to take a drive to tonight's theater location. God, you stunned me again. The wind, the waves, the sun reflecting on the water, the view. All these things, assured me that you know what you're doing. Whatever your plan is, you've already got it all figured out. Thank you for the reassurance on a day when I really needed it.

My horoscope for today

Too freakin funny.

Your horoscope for July 28, 2010

You are probably looking and feeling especially attractive today, --------, so don't be surprised if strange men stare at you when you're out in public. Romantic partners are especially vulnerable to your sudden glamour. Don't be too proud to take advantage of it! Plan a romantic evening! On a more mundane note, this is a good day to benefit from reading, studying, or taking a class, as your mind is especially acute. Have a great day!

Your lovescope for July 28, 2010

There is plenty of excitement around, with today's astral energy at play. This could be the day when you get to become more deeply involved with someone who has been on the verge of committing themselves, but has nevertheless chosen to remain just out of reach. Perhaps it is all that extra passion in the air, and the fact that neither of you can hold back your feelings any longer!

The attractive part, I believe. The whole vulnerable and commitment and romantic evening part is PURE Bullcrap.

Why Can't You Be?

And he said, "I love you."
And she said, "Show me with just 1 thing."
And he said, "I promise."
And she said, "I love you for that."
And he said, "Just a pinch?"
And she said, "Anything for you,"
And he said, "How 'bout a ride?"
And she said, "Anything to see you."
And he said, "I've got everything I need."
And she said, "Just 1 thing."
And he said nothing.

random

My cat loves pizza as much as I do.

She just clawed through a box in the kitchen the get to the last slice.

She ate the whole thing.

No wonder we get along so well.

Counting Up

Day 1

is done.

Day 2 will be easier,

right?

Day 2: puffy eyes, sinus headache, salt water hangover.

No tears shed today. I used them all up yesterday.

It's going to be an absolutely perfect summer day.

Back yard, slice of heaven, books.

No music though. I don't think my eyes are strong enough yet.

Time. Time. Time.

It's going to be a challenge.

My eyes have filled to the brim 100 times.

But not one has fallen on my cheek.

A good day, yes?

Just lost the battle. Made it until 2:14.

Tomorrow WILL be better.

How is it so easy for you?

I will not hate.

I just laughed.

Alternating between sadness and anger. F#ck You.

I dread the nights.

Doing better than I thought I would be doing.

I'm proud of myself.

Must be the Vics.

I WILL be able to sleep tonight.

Thank you God.

And Day 3 will be even better.

It WILL.

I will make it so.

Day 3

I checked last this morning-not first.

An improvement.

But still nothing.

It hits me in waves.

Sometimes one after another after another.

Sometimes I forget for minutes at a time.

I like the forgetting best.

I didn't even make it to noon today.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

Lies that contradict lies.

If I open up a crack, the dam shall surely give way.

I will keep the door closed.

I can't go through THIS again.

Notes didn't hurt-

too filled with lies to pull a single heartstring.

I thought it would be hard.

I thought I would cry.

I'm just disgusted.

I see right through you

and you see right through me.

Day 4

I love my job.

"Everything changed in a day."

Girls'nightouuuuuut!

La-ter!

Day 5

Last year, I read "The Shack." One part that always stuck with me

was when the main character questioned God about presenting as

a female. God told Mack about God being more than male OR female,

and She thought he needed a mother figure at this point in his crisis.

So Mack asked God why, throughout history, God chose to present

himself as Male. God answered that he knew the importance of males

in relationships, and knew how absent they would be. I always found this

to be so profound. The absence of males-fathers, husbands, boyfriends,

destroys healthy relationships.

Now, today, my wonderings have moved on. Why would God choose

to present as a male at all ever? Every man I know SUCKS. Help me out

with this one today, Lord.

Day whatever:

I think I've lost my appetite.

I'm really starting to wonder,

"What was I even thinking?"

Thank you, God.

Gaping

I can't read you anymore.

The words are still too soothing.

Anointing my heart.

Still too raw.

Stinging from salt.

"Time heals all wounds."

There I go again

wishing time away.

It's my curse.

I'll save them though,

for a sunny day.

A day when I can look

at the scar and not bleed.

Filling time tomorrow

so I can cover my wound

from the BandAid I ripped off.

Storm

Raining here.

Thunder too.

Good timing.

As always.

The sound

muffles all

my sorrows.

The drops

wash away

my tears.

A Story...One of Many

Time, engraved on markers

Beginnings and endings

saying so much and so little.

Lives,

once filled with so much

hope, love, dreams,

now gone.

Amidst the mighty beech, elms and cedars

we brought our own

hope, love, dreams.

A fallen log, an ancient tree,

a wooden structure,

anywhere, together.

Dark woods, full of life,

and sun dappled paths

carried sounds of longing.

Others have walked this ground before us,

facing empty nights, missing their love.

It is our path too.

A sad place or a place to celebrate a life?

It is both, and now more,

to me, to us.

Oh, to return...

I long to return to a place..

that most never leave.

too much experience?

Web Definitions: experience

• to go or live through

• to know or have first hand knowledge of

• the accumulation of knowledge or skill

• to feel or undergo an emotional sensation

• In context: In the end, I can say, "I had the experience."

I went where I vowed I wouldn't. I survived.

I knew, first hand, yet didn't learn the first time.

I knew it was wrong, mounting deceit.

I felt it. It was sensational.

"I knew the experience had to end."

Time

beginning

flying

halting

passing

standing still

making

killing

sharing

keeping

fleeting

endless

flying

grounded

cherishing

cursing

rewinding

fast forwarding

always

never

reliving

forgetting

ending

I'd Like to Know

More about the author.

So would I.

Lately I find myself asking the same question over and over.

Who Am I?

Tonight, I think I'm a rainbow.

Very much a singular vibrant rosy red.

Sometimes I'm an inconsolable blue.

Lately I've felt new growth green.

My mind is continuously contemplating Autumn's orange.

My life is purple and yellow, 2 complementary colors, but still directly opposing one another on the color wheel.

I hope the colors don't don't get all mixed up and turn to black.

Good question, A.

Melting Away

Summer days like icicles

melting slowly drip by drip

like a ticking clock

watching time. Fall.

Icicles hanging on homes

unnoticed by those inside.

Carried and contained

as two water bearers. Fall.

The hotter the sun,

the faster they melt.

Dropping as I watch

the trees' leaves. Fall.

Summer lovers

add heat,

increasing tempo-

heartbeats. Fall.

Raindrops add to puddles

Thunder and lightning

they created. Even

shooting stars. Fall.

Water, melted,

evaporated, returns to its source.

Streaming to the ocean,

salty, as tears. Fall.

Thoughts on being sober:

I miss:

-my husband, my best friend

-laughing at nothing

-dancing with people, instead of alone

-being irresponsible

-passing out instead of staying up thinking and thinking and thinking

-passing out

-not caring

-passing out

-crying over stupid stuff, instead of real stuff

-passing out

-passing out

I don't miss:

-Missing out

-waking up,feeling like shit

-passing out, feeling like shit

-feeling like shit

Funny, right now, sober, I'm crying, and it feels like shit.

I wish...

I could just...

pass out.

Brief Sighting

Are you Lost?

I ask myself

that same question

often.

Today I drove

in an attempt to find

myself.

I heard water

before my eyes could see

rushing.

I found peace

listening, gazing, chilling

there.

I headed home

suddenly unbelievably spotting

Spoileddog.

I saw Spoileddog

exploring, sniffing, walking

you.

I'm lost again

shaking, pounding, uncontrollable

heart.

I feel myself

getting lost in your blue

eyes.

Again, I'm lost

And I don't want to go back

home.

Cooking Secrets

Have you ever?

Tasted a secret?

Covered up smiles?

Melted from a word?

Stirred life among the dead?

Savored every step?

Simmered passion for hours?

Blended two into one?

Chilled under covers?

Smoked up the sheets?

Steeped in sensations?

Sliced up your day?

Measured your time?

Scalded a love?

Eaten your vow?

Wondered how?

Around and Around

The 'Ciricle of Life"

How apprapos

Round and round

and round we go.

Ride a new ride.

Dance a new dance.

It's all a wager.

Have a chance?

Just as the ponies

race 'round the track,

Jump out the gate.

Too late to look back.

The wheel is in motion.

Don't leave it to Fate.

Remember the future,

before it's too late.